Time and time again, mixing with people from various circles, I have encountered how their definition of life, success and meaning is dependent upon their surroundings. Here is how it goes, usually; a person frequently interacts with 5-20 people maximum. And they mostly form a homogenous circle. They have similar lifestyle aspirations and established reward mechanism. In school days my friends would aspire to be cool and appreciated by teachers and peers. Having the latest calculator or pencil box was appropriately rewarded by flow of attention. There was also a specific reward mechanism; get good grades, or do well in sports… each had some definite outcome associated with it. What gave getting the good grades of being good at sports any meaning was the fact that the surrounding people’s expectation and appreciation of such feats. It is true that they also have long term benefits to career and health, but that comes second.
In time though, the groups change, the aspirations change and with it— the reward mechanism. And now, winning inter-college competitions, having enough pocket money, the appropriate number of likes on facebook become the measurement of life’s standard. It changes again, after a while— into having a decent job and a stable partner. We spend most of my time thinking inside this box of set expectations about life, absorbing the perception about what is right and what is wrong, what is good enough and what is not. Why some works are better than the others, what the definition of well-being should be and all that. And life is ticking away, amid regrets about past and expectations about future. Setting up plans and weighing the alternates that may or may not ever materialize.
It only takes me a moment to step back and look at how small I have made my world by this. A few minutes of good conversation with someone just outside my small circle of homogenous aspirants, makes me realize that life can be much more appreciated being where I am now. And no one measurement of success is accurate. The first prize in science fair competition in my school means nothing to an African aboriginal boy. For someone success is visiting the most beautiful destination, for someone else, it is having read the most books, and someone is busy meting the company’s set yearly target for his department. At the end of it all, it comes down to how that achievement makes him or her feel. So why should I stick to some path and ruminate over all the possibilities… if none of it actually make me feel any better?
To sum up, we each have a different small world, with unique kings and queens, unique paths to knighthood and honor. I don’t know if any one kingdom is better than the other. What I know is that my kingdom is not the only one around. And if I don’t like the norms around here, no one can stop me from venturing out except myself.
In time though, the groups change, the aspirations change and with it— the reward mechanism. And now, winning inter-college competitions, having enough pocket money, the appropriate number of likes on facebook become the measurement of life’s standard. It changes again, after a while— into having a decent job and a stable partner. We spend most of my time thinking inside this box of set expectations about life, absorbing the perception about what is right and what is wrong, what is good enough and what is not. Why some works are better than the others, what the definition of well-being should be and all that. And life is ticking away, amid regrets about past and expectations about future. Setting up plans and weighing the alternates that may or may not ever materialize.
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| small world by koyamori |
To sum up, we each have a different small world, with unique kings and queens, unique paths to knighthood and honor. I don’t know if any one kingdom is better than the other. What I know is that my kingdom is not the only one around. And if I don’t like the norms around here, no one can stop me from venturing out except myself.