Back in 2003, I was in standard eight, with a very particular interest into design and programming. I worked with macromedia flash (an animation/app developing software) and used macroscript to make some fun small programs. I was toiling after it day and night, finishing thick books written in Bangla and practicing tutorials.
However, one day, when I was talking about all this with my friends, one guy from the side jumped to the topic and started explaining how he knew all about it, the mumbo jumbo terms. I could not keep up, and I lost the lead of the conversation.
The lesson I took away from that incident was that I had to appear to know more, or else I would not be taken seriously.
And I found out that it was hard work being a know-it all. My friends were interested in varied issues, most of which fell outside of my area of interest of design programming and literature (at that time). I had to keep up with Wrestle-mania and Premier League, gossips and metal music. I had to know what was going on to keep a hold of the conversation, or at least pretend to know things.
But looking back today, I think something has changed, I have learned to take losing in conversation more gracefully. I have started admitting that "I am not aware of this and that, please tell me more". I am now comfortable to dig in when there is an unfamiliar reference dropped. At least I would get it a bit more in the second conversation on the topic now.
This made a dramatic shift to the conversations. I was coming out of conversations with more wealth of information and understanding. Being a better listener and a more tolerable person.
Someone who was not competing in the name of conversation. Someone who was not just trying to protect a frail ego.
I know there are times and places where it is necessary not to be so humble. Where you need to protect your identity as an expert to get things done faster. Well, saying I don't know, you tell me, sometimes is enough to stop the pretenders very fast, as all they can muster up is usually no more than 5-10 lines. Once they are done, you can now get in and break the or build on the points they made. They will likely back out in fear of having to explain any further into the topic. If they are still not dissuaded, well, that calls for a more straight forward personality who can call out on non-sense.
But today, practice saying, "I don't know".
The results might surprise you.
p.s.: I made a small PC game with flash in 2004 (the only one I ever made). My dear all-knowing friend has never made anything with his vast knowledge so far.
Radi
30 August 2019
Dhaka